Choices

Today started out great as we went to a Power Soccer Tournament in Villa Rica. On the drive home as Bobby dozed off, I began to think. I had just read the email from my dad about his visit with mom and how things are not good. He is down and knows that she would not want to live this way. I had known long before we left for China, that Bobby would most likely not meet his Grandma for I know that she would not want him to know her this way. She would want Taylor to tell her little brother about all the wonderful times she had with Grandma and about how Grandma would have loved to have known him. But that really hit home today. Bobby would not understand the condition his Grandma is in and he would probably be scared. As much as I wish that he could meet and know his Grandma, it just won’t happen and it saddens me greatly. You see, my whole life’s journey started with a choice. A choice my birthmother made to allow me to be adopted and the choice my parents made to make me their daughter.

I was blessed with the most wonderful parents who reveled in my accomplishments and help me overcome my failures. They chose me and because of that I became who I am and made choices of my own. They supported me in my choices. I chose to become an MDA Telethon volunteer and then a camp counselor. I chose to be a Special Ed Teacher( and they even chose to chaperone some of our community skills trips with my class) They supported me when I chose to get married and were excited when I chose to have a child. They supported me as my marriage failed and as I became a single parent. They chose to spend a lot of time with Taylor so that I would not feel so guilty working full time as a single parent and just look at how Taylor has benefited from their choice.

Many times choices mean sacrifice. My parents could have traveled more and retired to the mountains or the beach, but they put that aside and chose to be a huge part of my daughter’s life. My dad was very supportive and not the least bit surprised when I told him about my choice to adopt a child with special needs. He and I knew that meant sacrifices for all. Taylor is no longer an only child, she has to share me and her Papa with another child. She has to share her home with a little boy who loves his big sister and loves to annoy her as well. My dad sacrifices in my choice as he will see less of Taylor and I due to scheduling and appointments. I sacrifice my quiet household for a new noisier (and happy) one as well as sacrificing a slowed down lifestyle that was beginning as Taylor would be leaving in a year for college. But the choice I made is right and Bobby is a blessing to us all.

I have many choices ahead and several that have already been made or must be made soon: job decisions, care decisions for Mom, medical and treatment options for Bobby, guardianship for my children should something happen to me, education issues for Bobby and Taylor, financial issues  to name a few. These are all hard choices, but I know that all I can do is make my best choice. We all make bad choices, learn from them and then strive to make better choices. My dad taught me that.

Today’s choice to go to the Power Soccer Tournament gave Bobby the opportunity to see that a wheelchair does not define you, but also served as a reminder to me that life is short. I made a donation and we put a star up in honor of Bobby. As I looked at the In Memory section and saw Blake and Dakota’s names, I was reminded of exactly what I chose and as I drove home and Bobby dozed I cried and I cry now as I write this. I cry now because I will not cry in front of Bobby. I do not want him to think for one second that I question my choice because I do not! I do not cry because I made a bad choice, rather I cry because I have been blessed with a wonderful little boy who faces a momentous battle. I cry because he will not know his Grandma. As a person who is always the mediator, peacekeeper and fixer, I cry because I cannot fix his Grandma nor can I fix Duchenne. I cry from frustration and from knowing what my son faces. But my tears will be dried up as I revel in the wonder of my son and his big sister in the morning. I will be strong and we will face all of what lies ahead together and it will all be okay for I also know that God chose to give us His son. I also know that God has chosen a master plan for all of us. All of my choices, good and bad, have been a part of His master plan and I know that He will guide my choices as I journey forward. What will this next phase of His master plan bring? He knows and we will find out. I intend to enjoy every moment that I can with both my children and my parents. Life is short my friends, so live it right.