A Letter to Little B

My Dearest Little B,

   I’m writing this letter for you to read in a few years. Today we received TA from China. That means that your big sister Taylor and I can finally set our travel dates. It means that we can finally come and get you. I cannot put into words the excitement, anxiety and overwhelming love that I feel today. I can’t believe that in just a couple of weeks I finally get to meet the little boy in the picture that I have been dreaming of since I first saw that picture last May.

   I have to admit that I am very nervous, worried and anxious. Will you like me? Will you be mad at me for taking you from your friends? Ms Tyler told me that you were so excited to show off the picture of Taylor and I that I sent you on your birthday last August. She told me how you showed her our picture and said “This is my family, my mama and big sister. It is my turn!” She told me that you have seen many of your friends get a family and go home to America. You understand that concept to the best of your 6 year old ability. And yes, my sweet boy, it is your turn. I promise that I will be there to help you as your whole world turns upside down. I am so afraid that you will be scared and upset; after all you are already 6 years old and understand what is happening. I will do my very best to comfort you and to assure you that we are forever.

   My dear boy, know that it is okay if you cry. It is ok to grieve the loss of the life and people you know. I hope that I do not frighten you as I know that I will cry the moment I finally see you in person with my own eyes. But rest assured, my sweet little one, that my tears are of utter joy, overwhelming love, and knowing that you, my son, will be going through conflict during this transition to your new life. Your big sister and I will cry with you as you grieve your losses and my heart will ache along with yours. 

   There will be bumps along our journey, but know that there are great times ahead and we will get there together.  You are so wanted and loved already. You are so very special and I know that you are destined for great things. You will touch many hearts as you make your life’s journey. When you get home you will see many names of people who you have already touched and who helped to bring you home. Your Papa can’t wait to finally meet you, his very first grandson!

   My worries for you also are in what you will go through as your muscular dystrophy progresses. As I have seen so many little boys go through the progression, I know what is ahead. We will face it head on and together. While you may have muscular dystrophy, you are not muscular dystrophy and it will not define you. You are Bobby, a darling, sweet, smart little boy who just happens to have muscular dystrophy. I will make sure that you have friends that have muscular dystrophy so that as you grow up you will have someone to talk to that is going through the same things that you are dealing with. Just wait until you get to MDA Camp Walk ‘N Roll. I have been a counselor for this camp since 1980. It is the most wonderful camp in the world! Your big sister will go with you your first year as your counselor and she will introduce you to this awesome experience. While I would love to continue my experience as a camp counselor as you go to your first camp, I am now a parent of a child with MD and can no longer attend. I will miss camp and I will miss you for that week, but I gladly retire my counselor hat so that you can be my son.

     In just a few days your big sister and I will be waiting for you to come through the door. There will be tears, fears and joy. It will finally be your turn. We love you to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, forever and ever! We will see you so very soon!

Love to you, my dearest little boy,

Mama